


Mission Complications

by FairyNiamh



Category: Metal Gear, Winnie-the-Pooh (Disney)
Genre: Crack Crossover, M/M, Missions Gone Wrong, Not Beta Read, Out of Character, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-07 23:52:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4282713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyNiamh/pseuds/FairyNiamh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Routine mission his ass. There was nothing routine about this; and he didn't like that one bit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mission Complications

He had been hired by a questionable organization; to investigate a small terrorist cell that had been causing problems. Nothing new in the assignment, but this time, something felt off. He couldn’t shake the feeling that an unseen… entity was spying on him; and possibly testing him.

He pulled out his communicator and hoped that someone would be at the other end.

"Snake, what's the problem?" the soldier had to shake his head. Trust Otacon to jump straight to the point.

"Something stinks. Run the parameters of the mission by me again?"

His friend hummed over the communicator. "Nothing unusual. There is a small, disorganized terrorist cell in the area causing issues. No rape. Minimal plundering. Same for property damage."

"That doesn't make any sense. Terrorists usually live up to their name. This seems more like a headache than something terrorizing," Snake mused.

"True, even if the problem is more personal than usual, the pay is good."

The soldier gave an annoyed sound. "I doubt you would send me out if the pay wasn't good. You have standards after all. If this goes belly up, it's all on you. Snake out."

He looked around the woods and shook off his unease. He would have to pay extra attention on this detail. The forest was too perfect, but this was where this Cracker Jack terrorist cell of two liked to cause mayhem.

He shouldered his M-16, and slowly made his way into the brush; surely the cell would be somewhere near the center. Well, if they hold to the same logic as other terrorist cells he had come up against in the past. He had a sinking feeling that this mission would resemble previous missions in no way.

He stood up and let loose a long drawn-out sigh. The mission was uncharted waters, his least enjoyed role. Too many things could go wrong.

"Hello," came a voice from behind him.

He twisted around, quickly training his gun on where the voice came from. When he only spotted a stuffed animal, he dropped to the ground, waiting for the attack.

"You're not from around here, are you?" the bear asked sadly.

"He-He's scary Pooh," said another voice from behind the stuffed bear.

The bear turned and patted a stuffed pig on the head. "It's okay Piglet, I'll protect you."

"B-b-b-but who, who will protect you?"

"Why, Christopher-" the stuffed bear was cut off by an orange and black blur, that wound up being a stuffed tiger toy.

"Hey, buddy bear, what are you and short stuff doing out in the woods all alone?"

"I'm looking for honey; Piglet was keeping me company… I don't know what the stranger was doing," the bear explained.

"Stranger?" the tiger asked before looking at Snake. "Halloo Stranger, I'm Tigger, T-I double guh errr. Who are you?"

"Someone who has obviously been doused with a dose of heavy opiates. This terrorist cell is more cunning than I gave them credit of being. Otacon, come in. There has been a development," Snake said, while doing his best to ignore the insanity occurring at his feet.

He got no reply outside of the toys gathering near his feet. He tried again on a different channel. Nothing but static greeted his ears.

"Stranger, are you okay? You're talking to yourself," Pooh asked cautiously.

"It's Snake, not stranger; and if I were okay I would not be holding a conversation with a fluff filled bear," he grumbled.

"Y-you don’t look like a snake," the pig said from behind said bear.

"Nope, he looks like a big Christopher Robin. Do you know Christopher Robin?" Tigger asked.

"Sounds familiar…" Snake started to say only to be interrupted by his comm system.

"Snake, what did you do this time?" Otacon asked tersely.

"You're always willing to assume the worse when it comes to me," Snake complained.

The man at the other end of the line snorted. "Prove me wrong and I'll stop."

"What are the names of my targets?" he asked instead of rising to the bait.

"This is why I assume the worse with you. Did you kill an innocent?"

Snake gave a low grumbling growl before answering; "I haven't killed anyone. I'm just trying to get confirmation, so I don't kill the wrong target."

Otacon sighed over the comm. "Fine, you only have two targets this go round. Their handles are… odd, to say the least. First target is Poo, no description given. Second is Tiger, again, no description given. That can’t be right. I always get at least a vague description. Umm…"

"No umm Hal, what the hell is going on?"

"Well, Sunny may have been here when I accepted the mission," he admitted meekly.

"You are always on my ass about keeping my mind on the mission; and you go and pull a stunt like this? I found my targets; do you want to meet them?"

"You made contact with your targets? Snake…"

"Can it, they made contact with me; not the other way around. You'll love this, but first, who put out the hit?"

"Yeah, another odd handle. Rabbit Robin."

"Rabbit? Not Christopher?"

"Yeah Rabbit."

"Do you… guys, know anyone who goes by Rabbit?" Snake asked the assembled toys.

"He-he's our friend. He would never do anything to hurt us," the stuffed piglet stammered out.

"Snake, who are you talking to?" Otacon asked.

The mercenary chuckled. "I forgot to introduce you to the targets. Switching to visual."

The line was silent for several minutes as they observed the 'toys' moving about and talking. "Did we get slipped a hallucinogenic drug?"

"If it was just one of us or if you were physically here, I would be inclined to think that way. You're several hundred miles away though. I don't see how that could have happened. Did you run a background check on Christopher Robin?"

"Abort the mission," Otacon said with a sigh after several minutes of radio silence.

"Come again?"

"Abort the mission. Christopher Robin is a nine year old boy and your targets are _toys_ , if ever there was a reason for aborting a crackpot mission, this is it. I'll find you a legit target to kill, just come back."

"No forests or jungles for a little while. Ban Sunny from your work area. I know you want to get laid…"

"Jesus, she's like a daughter to me. Not my cup of tea, as well you know. Come home and you can punish me for not being as vigilant as I should."

"Mm, now that sounds like a plan I can get behind. Snake out," he signed off and looked at the toys surrounding his feet. "Your friend Rabbit has some serious issues. I suggest you tell Christopher Robin and don't trust him. If your friends want to kill you, then you certainly don’t need any enemies."

Snake walked away from the mission with a slight headache. Of all the fucked up things that has happened to him, this takes the cake.

~Fin~


End file.
